"People probably see my scars as ugly but they are not only a part of me, but a beautiful part of me..."
(Artwork painted by Caleigh Ellison. Based on photograph taken of "Anon" by Caleigh Ellison)
She was sexually assaulted by a teacher in sixth and seventh grade until he was fired for another offense. This went on for two years because she was scared to confront and report the situation. By eighth grade, she had developed an eating disorder, began to self harm, and had her first of many dissociate panic attacks. Alcohol and drugs came into play to help her block the trauma from her memory. She didn't even know why she was depressed.
In the time between eighth and ninth grade, she attempted to commit suicide by overdosing on prescription pain killers, but was unsuccessful.
She started partying and hooking up with strangers in attempt to prove her self worth.
In tenth grade, after concerned friends prompting, she went to seek help for her eating disorder. During this time, she was still abusing drugs and alcohol.
She began selling drugs to other students, and got expelled three weeks before the end of tenth grade. She finished out school online, still attending therapy. She was constantly fighting with her parents and was miserable due to her inability to cope.
"For me, cutting was a way to alleviate the intense emotional pain..." There was a day though, that cutting wasn't enough. She wanted to die. She cut her legs which had usually been enough to make her feel better. She picked up a shard of broken glass and slashed at her legs, but when that didn't increase the pain that she wanted to feel, she began to cut her stomach and collarbone.
She asked her dad to take her to the hospital because it was all too much. She was turned away for "not being suicidal enough."
"I remember my dad slept on the floor outside of my room for about a week to make sure I was okay."
After six months, she began abusing prescription tranquilizers and sleeping with random guys, a new one monthly. She was raped by one of them.
She went through this until she met the man she is with now. He cares about her and loves her for who she is. "(He) helped me find my self worth in things besides sex." She says that the stability of a loving relationship has helped her find herself. It has helped her take care of herself.
"I have a scar on my stomach from the last time I self harmed about two and half years ago now...I'm rather fond of it because it's a physical reminder of how far I've come."
She said that her PTSD episodes are every few weeks now, instead of daily like before. There was a time when she couldn't kiss her boyfriend because of the PTSD, but now she is happy more days that she is not. She appreciates her body and is becoming more independent every single day.
"People probably see my scars as ugly, but they are not only a part of me, but a beautiful part of me..." They show just how far she has come, how much she has overcome, and how much she has fought for.
The person that has shared this story with you all has asked to remain anonymous. I know that it is so hard to be in the light in situations like this. But, I want to thank her for sharing her story. She is a beautiful person who deserves so much more than what she went through, but she is growing. She is healing. She is so worth loving.
"She is beautiful. But you really cannot comprehend it until you understand that she is the result of the pieces that she refused to her life take from her." -JmStorm
"If someone crumples you up or steps on you, your worth does not change. You are still just as valuable as you were before." -Anon
She is so much more than what happened to her. She is so much more than the sorrow that filled her heart for such a long time. She is so much more than the scars that sit on her skin. She is everything beautiful and brave, courageous and intelligent. There is fire inside of her. She is fierce and soft. She is strong. She is passionate. She is worth loving.
You are not what others did to you. You are not what others tell you that you are. YOU ARE BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!
"Every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.
And every 8 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison" We need to speak out! We need to deal with the abuser, we need to love and help and HEAR the victim. We need to stop making excuses.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with things similar to the above, please consider using these! You are priceless!
Call 1-800-SUICIDE- National Suicide Prevention Hotline
Call 1-800-799-SAFE- National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 1-800-273-TALK- Self Harm Hotline
If you'd like to purchase a print, canvas, or copy of this painting(top of page), head over to the Store page!
If you want to be featured on the blog, please please please shoot me a message on the contact page! I'd love to hear from you and be able to share your story!! (It's worth hearing, I know it.)
xoxo- Caleigh