"(I) feel better and beautiful and like life is worth living."
(Artwork painted by Caleigh Ellison. Based on photograph of Jessa Price taken by Caleigh Ellison)
Jessa Price has been struggling with self harm since middle school, around sixth grade. Being a young teenager, trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do in life, is hard enough. Being bullied on top of that is even harder. Jessa was bullied and it took a major toll on how she viewed herself.
The first time Jessa attempted suicide was when she was in eighth grade, on her fourteenth birthday. She was unsuccessful, scarred by everything she had already been through and she then developed insomnia.
Years later, things didn't improve. Jessa lost eighteen people she loved in the span of five years. Freshman year, Jessa was raped at a party. She was too intoxicated to even remember who abused her that night. The guilt and sorrow consumed her and she began sleeping with boys as a distraction.
To cope with everything going on, she found comfort in smoking marijuana, but that could only stop the pain so much. Due to the insomnia, she slept around ten hours a week during school weeks.
Sophomore year of high school, she fell in love with a boy and spent a year and a half loving him. She confessed to him that she wasn't a virgin and he left her because she was "dirty." This broke Jessa, who was already extremely fragile. She relapsed. Her friends told her she was "too much to handle." Jessa tried to kill herself again.
In October of 2017, Jessa was in an awful car crash. The car rolled over and she was told that it was a miracle that she survived. She still has flashbacks from the crash and has panic attacks due to the insanity and stress it caused.
Due to the stress and overwhelming panic attacks, Jessa decided to finish school online. It got to be too much to just be in a room with people.
Jessa has scars all over her body, but mainly on her left arm. "They're deep and noticeable which makes her feel ashamed." But, she has been clean from cutting for a total of four months now.
Jessa still struggles with self acceptance and self harm on occasion, but she said "I'm trying my best to stop and take out my demons in other ways(In reference to self harm)."
She is now with a man who makes her feel better and beautiful and like life is worth living.
Jessa has been through so much pain and heartache, but she's still here. She's still fighting. Yes, she is still struggling, but she is still HERE struggling and I think that is wonderful.
Jessa is trying to make beautiful things out of all of the ugly things that she has been through and I am SO proud of that. Through being bullied, through being raped, through self harm, and through surviving a car crash, she is still making her life worth living.
"Three quarters of you is the same kind of water that beats rocks into rubble, wears stones away...When you look in the mirror and feel weak, remember, the air you breathe in fuels forest fires capable of destroying everything they touch. On the days you feel ugly, remember: diamonds are only carbon. You are so much more." -Anon
Jessa is so much more than the words that people told her she was. She is beautiful and strong and passionate and fierce, she is a fighter.
Jessa is so much more than the boy who forcefully put his hands on her, more than the boy who told her she was dirty. She is not too much, she is not dirty, she is not a distraction. She is a beauty who is worth love that is pure with the right intent. She is not a reflection of those who couldn't love her.
Jessa is so much more than the scars that embellish her body. They are a reflection of the fact that she survived.
I think that Jessa and her scars are beautiful. None of what has happened to her defines her, her scars don't define her. Jessa is beautiful inside and out, she is strong, she is funny, she is loud, she is loving, and she is worthy.
Thank you Jessa for sharing your story with me and with the people who read this. I love you!
"I show my scars so that others know they can heal." -Rhachelle Nicol ; this is something that I hope your story will encourage.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with things similar to the above, please consider using these!
Call 1-800-SUICIDE- National Suicide Prevention Hotline
Call 1-800-799-SAFE- National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 1-800-273-TALK- Self Harm Hotline
If you'd like to purchase a print, canvas, or copy of this painting(first painting shown), head over to the Store page!
If you want to be featured on the blog, please please please shoot me a message on the contact page! I'd love to hear from you and be able to share your story with others!
xoxo- Caleigh